Amazing Grace
by Tonya
Summary: Hmm… how to summarize…. What happens when you can’t save the one who saved you? (POV) (Faith/Wes pairing)


Title: Amazing Grace

Author: Tonya (tigerlily1998@hotmail.com)

Rating: PGish (Be forewarned, there IS talk of character death.)

Disclaimers: The moment I own any of these characters, you all will be the first to know. 

Spoilers: Basic Season 3 AtS stuff

Feedback: Hello, my name is Tonya, and I am a feedbackaholic.

Distribution: Feel free. Just tell me where.

Summary: Hmm… how to summarize…. What happens when you can't save the one who saved you? (POV)

**********

"Sometimes we get second chances/

And sometimes we never make it past the first/

It really makes you wonder why somethings happen when they do 

It really makes me wonder why it wasn't me instead of you…."

-- Michelle Branch, "Second Chances"

**********

We all know it will happen sooner or later. 

Living in Sunnydale, we knew what was to come. We each had an expiration date stamped on our foreheads, some much sooner than others. It was the way our lives worked. We busted our asses, night and day, to save people. To make the world better. And what did we get in return?

The guarantee that we would die young…. And die violently.

Explain to me how that could be considered a fair trade.

They all came-- the people neither one of us had set eyes on in years. The people we had all mentioned in passing once or twice but had never truly given a second thought about. But they came anyway-- Buffy, Xander, Willow, Giles. It's amazing how a death can bring people together who would have never crossed paths again otherwise.

Cordelia had been the one to call them and deliver the news. I had stood in the doorway of the office, listening as she tried her best not to cry. She told them about our latest battle, about our latest brush with the apocalypse. She told them about the nasty demon with six arms that swung out violently at each of us. She told them about the demon's henchmen who came at us in every direction, and she told them how you died. How the henchman's sword ripped through your guts. How you never had a chance….

She never told them the whole story, though. How you had died to save me. How you had pushed me out of the way, and how in that split second, our fates had switched. I had lived, and you had died.

That's not how it's supposed to be.

The Sunnydale gang offered each of us their condolences, but they saved their most heartfelt for me. Apparently, one of the others had tipped them off about our relationship. About how we had become friends despite our volatile history. About how we had become lovers despite our best judgments.

I accepted their words as best as I could given the circumstances. I could sense the insecurity behind their eyes, in their hugs and pats on the back. Even as they offered me their I'm-so-sorry's, I could tell they wondered how the hell _we _had happened. How we had somehow formed a bond that could not be broken. 

They didn't know what to think of us because they didn't _know_ us. They knew the people we had been-- the explosive Slayer and the anal-retentive Watcher. They never cared to learn more, and I didn't care to try to share and explain. 

I know who we were. I know how we changed, and I know you did as well. And that's all that has ever mattered to me….

We had grown together. 

I had saved you from darkness, and you had saved me time and time again.

I've never had a savior. Never had someone I could trust with my life, with my heart. And I never thought I would find that in you.

We had been enemies from day one, by my own doing. I shut you out before you even had a chance. I judged you without knowing what you were really all about. I thought I knew who you were. The clothes. The voice. The attitude. Even without knowing a single thing about you, if I had made a list of people I didn't trust, you would have been at the top.

But then everything changed. We learned to understand each other. In each other, we found a similar soul. A soul that had been beaten beyond recognition and filled with rage and pain. All this time you had been my kindred spirit, and I had never known.

And now you're gone….

You shouldn't have saved me. You should have minded your business, and let fate sort its damn self out. You should have let my blood spill.

I was born with an early expiration date. I was born, bred, and trained to die young. It was _my _destiny, not yours. You were meant to go on.

A violent death is in the cards for each and every one of us, but this wasn't how it was supposed to go down. I was supposed to be first.

You have saved me more times than I can even count, even when I didn't want it. You've been in my corner for the past couple of years when everyone else has been against me, and now, you're gone.

You saved me, but at the same time, you have abandoned me. And I'm not sure whether I should curse you or thank you….

My kindred spirit with the bruised heart. My savior to the end.

Thank you for saving me.


End file.
